


Need You Like A Bad Habit

by galacticsugar



Series: tumblr prompts - ways to say i love you [4]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Drinking, Established Relationship, M/M, Swearing, Tumblr Prompt, luke feels lonely and left out, projecting onto luke hemmings is what i do best, so he acts out in the most mundane and unproblematic way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:20:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28986999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galacticsugar/pseuds/galacticsugar
Summary: There’s an energy humming through Luke’s body, a little zip of electricity that makes him feel like he can’t sit still or he might explode. It’s stupid, really. It’s Saturday night and he hasn’t seen Ashton all day. Which is fine. He doesn’t need to see Ashton every day. He knows spending time apart every now and then is healthy.***tumblr prompt "come here. let me fix it."
Relationships: Luke Hemmings/Ashton Irwin
Series: tumblr prompts - ways to say i love you [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2138103
Comments: 1
Kudos: 27





	Need You Like A Bad Habit

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lifewasradical](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifewasradical/gifts).



> for the tumblr prompt "come here. let me fix it." from [amanda](https://lifewasradical.tumblr.com/).
> 
> i am 100% unsure how i feel about this one, so. hopefully it's not awful?

There’s an energy humming through Luke’s body, a little zip of electricity that makes him feel like he can’t sit still or he might explode. It’s stupid, really. It’s Saturday night and he hasn’t seen Ashton all day. Which is fine. He doesn’t need to see Ashton every day. He knows spending time apart every now and then is healthy. 

It’s just that Ashton’s spending the night doing whatever normal, healthy people with normal, healthy social lives do with their friends, and he didn’t invite Luke. It’s _fine_. He knows he shouldn’t take it personally, and he doesn’t begrudge Ashton wanting to spend some time with his friends. Ashton doesn’t mean to make Luke feel unwanted, but that’s exactly what’s happening. It’s just Luke’s awful brain going off on a doom spiral for no real reason.

It’s an unwelcome reminder that Luke doesn’t quite _fit_ anywhere. When he started dating Ashton, all of Ashton’s friends became his friends-by-association, but he doesn’t really feel connected to any of them. He hasn’t had a chance. There are so many of them, and it’s overwhelming. Luke does better one-on-one; when he has room to breathe. But Ashton and his friends travel as a pack, and when he’s faced with all of them at once, Luke shuts down. He’s window dressing. A quiet and inoffensive body in the corner of the room that laughs at the right times. He’s sure they all think he’s incredibly dull. 

He does have friends of his own; mostly people from back home. It’s a lot harder than Luke expected to make friends in college organically, so he clings to the people he already knew. It gets harder and harder to hold on to them as they make their own shiny new friends. They start to realize how much more interesting and exciting the new friends are, and Luke becomes an afterthought. 

He knows he’s being stupid and self-pitying and that if he feels left out, he should just take some initiative and let it be known that he wants to be included. But, _god_ , he doesn’t want to force himself on people. He wants to be wanted. He wants to be missed. Especially by Ashton. All it would take to make Luke feel better is a text from Ashton saying _I miss you_ or _I’m thinking of you_. He knows he can’t expect Ashton to read his mind; can’t expect Ashton to magically understand how he is feeling, but knowing doesn’t make it any easier.

Luke fucking hates that this is who he is right now. He doesn’t want to be the guy sitting around waiting for his boyfriend to text him and validate him. That’s why his body is practically vibrating with pent-up _something_. He can’t quite name the unpleasant energy crawling under his skin; can only guess that it’s internal rage at himself for being this person he never wanted to be. Luke’s tiny dorm room is suffocating and he needs to do something. He just doesn’t know what.

His phone buzzes, and Luke’s heart rate speeds up for a moment, thinking maybe Ashton _did_ read his mind after all. But no, it’s just Calum. Calum works with Luke at the pizza-by-the-slice place on campus. They’re not friends, exactly, but Luke always enjoys working shifts with Calum. They close together a few nights a week, and the restaurant is often quiet and empty. Luke and Calum spend most evenings sitting across from each other at one of the booths in the dining area, just talking about music and sharing snacks while they wait for the next customer to come through the front door.

There’s something easy about Calum. Usually Luke has to try when he’s getting to know new people, has to force himself to think of the right things to say and the right way to respond. He doesn’t have that problem with Calum. He’s just one of those people that puts everyone around him at ease. He’s also the only person who has actively shown any interest in spending time with Luke on this fine Saturday evening, so Luke answers his phone enthusiastically.

“Hey Cal! What’s up?”

“You need to get to The Crown & Anchor right now,” Calum says. “It’s karaoke night!”

Luke laughs, not really because anything is funny, but because he needs to release the bubbling relief that someone wants him after all.

“I don’t know. I’m already in my pajamas.” It’s true. Luke’s in sweats and a ratty old graphic T, fully committed to spending the evening wallowing alone inside his room.

“Then change! C’mon, Luke!” Calum’s enthusiasm is contagious, and Luke starts to feel his mood shifting. He knows Calum has won. He’s going to change and go meet Calum at the bar, but Calum keeps coaxing him anyway. “I’ll buy you one of those fruity shots you like and we can duet on Taking Back Sunday!”

“Okay, okay. Give me twenty minutes.” Luke hangs up the phone and grits his teeth. Because the thing is, he’s not just agreeing to go meet Calum at the bar because he wants something to do on Saturday night, or because he particularly wants to spend time with Calum. 

He’s doing it to stick it to Ashton. He’s going to show Ashton (and himself) that he’s not just going to sit around and wait for Ashton to pay attention to him. He’s going to prove that he’s wanted, that he’s got options.

It’s a terrible plan, for several reasons. First and foremost, there is no metaphorical _it_ to stick. Ashton hasn’t done anything wrong, and Luke knows that. Secondly, Ashton’s not even going to know that Luke went out without him, because he’s busy with his friends, making the whole thing an exercise in futility. And finally, Luke’s not actually doing anything at all. He’s going to spend some time at a bar with a kind-of-friend. One of the most normal, mundane things in the universe. How has Luke gotten to the point where doing a normal activity suddenly feels like this big rebellious gesture?

He can’t be stopped by logic, though. He quickly throws on some jeans, leaves his old T-shirt on (the holes add character, he reasons) and locks his dorm room door behind him. He walks the few short blocks to the Crown & Anchor with purpose, and straightens up when he passes the houses on Greek row. There are frat boys and sorority girls spilling out onto their lawns, house parties in full swing, and Luke gets an occasional whistle thrown his direction as he passes. He collects them with a smile. That’s right. He’s got options. Not options he _wants_ , but that’s not the point.

When Luke gets to the bar, Calum spots him immediately and yells his name, then pulls him into an enthusiastic hug. He pats the barstool next to him, signaling for Luke to sit down. There’s a group of girls across the bar belting _Take Me Home, Country Roads_ , and Luke grins at the commotion. This is exactly what he needs to get his mind off of Ashton. 

“I promised you a fruity shot,” Calum says, sliding a glass full of pink liquid in front of Luke.

“What is it?” Luke resists the urge to sniff the contents of the glass.

“Not sure. Had a punny name. Something pineapple, I think.” Calum shrugs and takes a drink from his own beer.

Luke downs the shot, and almost immediately the bartender is setting another one in front of him. “From the guy in the red hat,” she says, nodding in the direction of a man at the opposite end of the bar. Luke has never seen him before in his life, and probably wouldn’t be able to pick him out of a police lineup by this time tomorrow. He’s just a guy, nothing special or memorable. 

But he bought Luke a shot and he gives Luke a polite smile and wave when Luke makes eye contact, so Luke returns the smile and takes the shot, mouthing _thank you_ as theatrically as he can. He’s not going to go talk to the guy. He has a boyfriend who he loves and he’s not here to make the kind of mistakes that could ruin that. He’s just here to remind himself that he _could_ , if he wanted to, and the guy in the red hat served that purpose. He at least deserves a thank you.

“Do you want me to sign us up for a song?” Calum asks, pointing at the thick beer-stained binder of karaoke songs behind the bar.

Luke looks around, taking in the mellow crowd. It’s loud, because the music is loud, but it’s surprisingly serene for a Saturday night. This isn’t the spot for frenzied dancing or drunken chaos; it’s a place for tired but generally responsible college students to blow off a little steam. “Nah, not tonight. Everyone’s too sober to put up with my voice.”

“That’s cool.” Everything’s cool with Calum. It’s a very large part of his appeal as a coworker slash almost-friend. “Where’s Ashton tonight?”

Luke shrugs off the question, not wanting to dwell on Ashton despite Ashton being the whole reason he’s here. “With some friends.”

“That’s too bad. I bet he can do some mean karaoke.” 

Calum’s right, and Luke snickers a little at the memory of Ashton’s pitch-perfect rendition of _Paradise City_ at the last karaoke night they’d attended. His phone buzzes in his pocket and he pulls it out. “Speak of the devil…” he mumbles.

It’s Ashton, actually calling him. Of course Luke picks up right away, because he’s weak. “Hello?” 

“Where the fuck are you?” Ashton asks, not accusing, just genuinely baffled.

“The Crown & Anchor,” Luke says, a trace of gloating in his voice. He doesn’t offer up any additional explanation, because he knows it will just make Ashton even more confused. 

“By yourself?” And yeah. Ashton is extremely confused. It’s a little sad how the mere act of going to a bar on his own is apparently so out of character for Luke that Ashton can’t wrap his mind around it.

“Sort of. Calum’s here.” 

“Oh.” Ashton seems genuinely flummoxed by this whole situation, and Luke smiles to himself. He’d managed to take Ashton by surprise, and it gives him a weird feeling of pride.

“I went by your room after the guys left,” Ashton continues. “You weren’t there. Obviously.”

“Right, yeah. Because I’m here.” His tone is sarcastic and he knows he’s being obnoxiously passive aggressive, but a stranger bought him a shot and Calum wants to hang out with him so he _doesn’t care_.

Ashton keys in to Luke’s tone immediately. “Is something wrong?” he asks. 

And fuck, Luke’s crying. Out of nowhere, pent-up tears start leaking out the corners of his eyes as soon as the words are out of Ashton’s mouth. He turns toward the wall, relieved he’s seated at the edge of the bar, and tries to hide his face from view. “No,” he replies stubbornly.

“Are you sure?” Ashton’s voice is small and tentative and full of concern.

“I just -” Luke swipes at his eyes, desperate to regain his composure. “It’s not a big deal.”

Ashton doesn’t say anything, just lets Luke soak up his silent skepticism until Luke finally cracks.

A loud bar isn’t the ideal place to have a heart-to-heart, so Luke tries to keep it brief. “I’ve been in my head a lot today. Feeling like no one wanted me around.”

It’s the kind of vague that helps Luke save face while still, hopefully, giving Ashton enough information to sort out what’s really wrong. Ashton’s thinking so loudly Luke feels like he can hear it through the phone. The silence stretches. Luke eyes Calum, who’s bopping his shoulders to the beat of the Pussycat Dolls and chatting up the bartender, oblivious to what’s happening with Luke. 

Finally, Ashton breaks the silence. “Come here. Let me fix it.”

“What?” Luke’s not sure he heard right; not sure he understands.

“On your way home. Stop by my room. I missed you today.”

And all that energy, all that tension that’s been thrumming through Luke’s veins all night, melts away instantaneously. That was all he needed to hear. 

“Yeah, okay. I’ll text you when I leave.” 

Luke says his goodbyes to Ashton and turns his full attention back to Calum. He may only be here in the first place because he was being emo about Ashton, but he’s not so pathetic that he’d just leave Calum alone at the bar the second Ashton calls. He stays for a while, laughs with Calum through a dozen questionable karaoke performances, has another shot, and then thanks Calum for inviting him out before he leaves.

He’s a little buzzed when he knocks on Ashton’s door. “Interesting night you’ve had, Lukey,” Ashton says by way of greeting.

“What do you mean?” He frowns at Ashton as he steps into his room and makes a beeline for his favorite corner of the peeling leather loveseat.

“Just that it’s kind of strange for you to go out on your own,” Ashton says, sitting down next to Luke and pulling him in for a cuddle. Luke melts into his touch, dropping his head onto Ashton’s shoulder. “Every time I think I’ve got you figured out you surprise me.” Ashton’s long fingers work gently at smoothing Luke’s hair.

“I’m very complex,” Luke says, letting his eyes close for a moment as he leans into Ashton’s touch.

“Did I tell you I missed you today?”

“You might’ve mentioned it.” Luke fiddles with the buttons on Ashton’s shirt, unbuttoning and rebuttoning mindlessly.

“Well. I mean it. The guys are fun for a few hours but it’s not the same without you.”

Luke doesn’t know if Ashton’s put all the pieces together, doesn’t know if he realizes that Luke feeling left out and unwanted is the entire reason he went to the bar in the first place, but it doesn’t really matter now. 

It’s dangerous, letting someone become as important to you as Ashton is to Luke. But he feels better knowing that it goes both ways. They’re in danger together, and it’s as exhilarating as it is terrifying.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm on tumblr [@staticsounds](https://staticsounds.tumblr.com/); come say hi!


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